You – Yes, you – go to your room

2020 is in its final throes. Don’t check the calendar just yet, it’s still November. Sorry.

I’ve never seen a year that brought out more hatred and vitriol than this year. Elections both here and on the other side of the Peace Arch have torn families apart. Walking a balance between the perception of personal freedom and basic human decency during a worldwide pandemic has led to fights,rioting, bloodshed, murder – mass hysteria. Even the suggestion of maybe don’t use a racially-charged, lynched manniquin as a Halloween decoration this year has dissolved into schoolyard namecalling, not that any of us expected anything different.

People are mentally sick and physically, emotionally and spiritually tired, which makes it worse. But we are – and should be – better than this.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t disagree. That’s just human nature. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight injustice and to protect our most vulnerable – because we absolutely should, to the last breath. It means we should fight clean, righteously, with passion and open minds and without malice. It can be done. It just isn’t.

We’re not at our best, myself included. I’ve done and said things I wish I could take back as a result of everything that’s happened to us this year. A wise man once said it’s when we experience the most pain that we draw inward and become the most selfish versions of ourselves. We’ve all had a lot of pain this year, and we’ve made it known to everyone around us.

That’s not an excuse for the way we’ve acted. None of us are innocent, and we all have something to atone for. It might be that passive-aggressive gesture to the woman next to you to pull the mask over her nose – right message, wrong execution. It might be getting into it with the greeter at Wal-Mart about their mask policy.

It might not even be related directly to any 2020 issues but it might have boiled to the surface as an indirect result.

Make no mistake, I’m surely not holier than thou; I’m just as guilty as anyone, and I’m sorry.

But where do we start? Sometimes to find the most mature solutions, we have to go back to the way we used to resolve things, parent to child. I propose this: go to your room and think about what you did.

Take a few minutes and take stock of the actions that have led up to your recent breaking points where you decided others must suffer as you have. Write them down if it helps.

If you feel bad for any of it – and I suspect we all do, sometimes – seek forgiveness. This does entail bringing up sins past and may open old wounds. It will cause you and the other person pain to bring the conflict back to light. It’s only pushing past that pain and learning to forgive, let go and – perhaps most importantly – set up new boundaries that we can begin to heal.

If someone approaches you with a sincere apology and a desire to change for the better, be ready to let go. Releasing that pain doesn’t mean it’s forgotten or that it will heal quickly or even completely. What it means is it won’t be brought up again and you can both start to work on a new, better version of yourselves.

Even as we are a considerable time away from outlasting the pandemic, the healing can begin now.

Do you have something to add to this story, or something else we should report on? Email:

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Want to support local journalism during the pandemic? Make a donation here.


Just Posted

Missing Abbotsford man Adam Hobbs was found deceased on Thursday evening (June 17).
Body of missing Abbotsford man Adam Hobbs found

Hobbs was reported missing Monday after leaving his job site in Langley

A tenant walks in front of her home on Boundary Road on Friday, June 18, 2021 after it was destroyed by fire the night before in Chilliwack. (Jenna Hauck/ Chilliwack Progress)
Chilliwack family homeless after fire rips through house on Abbotsford border

Turtle rescued, no one seriously hurt following Boundary Road fire in Chilliwack

Wild rabbits are all over Chilliwack, but people often think they’re someone’s lost pet and try to ‘save’ them. But the owner of Chilliwack’s Reptile Room says good intentions can have bad consequences for wild animals. (Photo by THE CANADIAN PRESS)
Owner of Chilliwack’s Reptile Room asks people to leave wild animals in the wild

Amber Quiring says people who think they’re helping are actually doing more harm than good

The Agassiz-Harrison Museum celebrates Indigenous Peoples Day on June 21 with special information about The Stó:lō Nation, culture, language and more. (Graphic/Agassiz-Harrison Museum)
Agassiz-Harrison Museum to celebrate Indigenous Peoples Day

June 21 will feature info about local First Nations culture, language and more

A small pod of Pacific white-sided dolphins pass by close to shore in Campbell River June 16, 2021. Still capture from video courtesy of Kimberly Hart
VIDEO: Dolphin sunset captured from Vancouver Island shore

Spectacular setting for view of travelling pod of Pacific white-sided dolphins

A search is underway for a 75-year-old fisherman who went missing near Port Angeles Thursday evening. (Courtesy of U.S. Coast Guard)
Search continues for angler missing between Port Angeles and Victoria

Canadian, U.S. Coast Guard searching for 75-year-old man reported missing Thursday evening

Chief Public Health Officer Theresa Tam listens to a question during a news conference, in Ottawa, Tuesday, Jan. 12, 2021. The number of confirmed COVID-19 cases attributed to the highly contagious Delta variant grew in Canada this week. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Canada’s public health agency reports spike in confirmed cases of Delta variant

More than 2,000 cases of the variant confirmed across all 10 provinces and in one territory

Bella Bella is on B.C.’s Central Coast, accessible only by air and ocean. (Tom Fletcher/Black Press)
B.C. provides $22 million for Heiltsuk development on Central Coast

Elders care home project, tourism, lumber mill supported

The federal government says it wants to ban most flavoured vaping products in a bid to reduce their appeal to youth. THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP-Craig Mitchelldyer
Health Canada proposes ban on most vaping flavours it says appeal to youth

If implemented, the regulations would restrict all e-cigarette flavours except tobacco, mint and menthol

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good
Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Seth Rogen’s vibrant orange sculpture was sold for $7,000 above Vancouver Art Gallery’s initial estimation at auction Tuesday. June 15. (Heffel Fine Arts)
Vase made by Seth Rogen sells for $12,000 at Vancouver auction

The B.C.-born comedian has a new pot habit and it’s paying off

BC Lions running back John White IV (3) runs with the ball during first quarter CFL football action against the Ottawa Redblacks in Ottawa on Saturday, September 21, 2019. THE CANADIAN PRESS/ Patrick Doyle
BC Lions file trademark for new logo

Canadian Football League team files for new design on June 1

Most Read